so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
