one two three fourrrrnication!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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