You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
