He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
