I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
