Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
