I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
