She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
