Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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