i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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