I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
