We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize