Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
