Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
