ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
