Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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