one two three fourrrrnication!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
