Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
