I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
