please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
