You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
