This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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