i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
