so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
