Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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