OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
