Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
bring money and cleavage
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
