Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
