Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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