If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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