It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
