All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
