bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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