Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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