Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
