She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
