can u get pink eye on your cock?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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