SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize