oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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