Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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