No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
