I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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