Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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