therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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