I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
