Little spoons don't ask big questions
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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