would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
