I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
