I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
