They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
