Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i now understand why vodka
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
