Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
