Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
