I molested 6 butterflies tonight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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