Quick, to the slutcave!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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