Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i will never coherently bang her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
