Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
