I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
