I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
