just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
