shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
