You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize