i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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