Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
