Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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