Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
