the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm at about main and main street
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
