Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
