Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
