I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
