How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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