i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
