Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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