can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
