you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
