i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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