**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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