Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
