i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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