What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
