when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
