Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
