I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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