cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
