You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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