he thought i was a dude.
Do vagina's smell?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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