I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
