Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
