Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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