So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
