My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
