you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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