you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
