i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
