i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize